For eight long years, I battled chronic Lyme disease and CIRS. At times, I was bed bound, unable to function or participate in life in any meaningful way. My world shrank to the four walls of my room as I wrestled with the pain, exhaustion, and isolation that chronic illness brings. It was a season of immense suffering, but looking back on my healing journey and reflecting, I see how God used that time to radically transform my life in ways I could never have imagined.
The Depth Of Suffering In My Healing Journey
When you’re sick for that long, it’s not just your body that suffers—it’s your mind and spirit as well. I experienced moments of deep despair, wondering if I would ever feel well again, if I could hang on to live another day when all I desired was to close my eyes in peace one last time. Lyme disease, with its stealthy nature, was unpredictable and left me battered physically and mentally. Mold exposure compounded my symptoms, leaving me in a fog of pain, confusion, and fear. Doctors were at a loss, and I cycled through treatments that offered no lasting relief and a soul that shut down and became robotic just to survive.
I often found myself asking God, “Why?” Why would He allow this to happen? Why couldn't He hear my desperation and heal me? But in those questions, I learned the value of waiting on the Lord. In my weakest, my most frail and vulnerable moments, I clung to the truth that God works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and that ultimately God's about conforming me into the image of His Son. My suffering was not without purpose, even though I couldn’t see it at the time. Truth be told, though I'm several years out I still look back and don't fully grasp and understand all aspects of it. Yet I've learned that it's futile to know the why and will of God in what takes place this side of heaven by his sovereign hands. God simply asks my faithful obedience and trust.
God's Sovereignty in Suffering
As a Reformed Christian, I believe in the sovereignty of God. While I never doubted this truth throughout my illness, I did in all honesty, doubt God's goodness at times. When bed bound and in severe suffering for such a prolonged period of time with little to no relief, it can feel as though God has forgotten you. It can feel as if you are alone and like a burden to those around you. Yet through the course of my suffering, as time was my teacher, I began to learn that He was not a distant or uncaring God—He was right there with me in the midst of my pain and my suffering. That in fact there in the painful silence and the loneliness He was the One, the only One, who fully understood the depth of my souls pain like no one else and not only understood but sat with me in my suffering. I was never alone.
The Heidelberg Catechism teaches us that “God’s providence is His almighty and ever-present power, whereby, as with His hand, He still upholds heaven and earth and all creatures.” Even in my weakest moments, God was upholding me, though I couldn’t always feel it or see it. My suffering became a crucible, refining my faith and forcing me to trade my in my self reliance for His strength, not my own.
The Transformation of My Heart
Over time, I realized that God was using my illness not just to heal my body, but to transform my heart and soul. Suffering has a way of stripping you bare of all the things you cling to for security and identity. My identity had been too tied to my abilities, my work, and my independence. When all of that was taken away, I had to confront the reality that my true worth comes from Christ alone and on what has already been done for me through Him. I am whole in Him alone
It was through my illness that I began to grasp the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” In my weakness, God’s grace became more tangible than ever. I learned to rest in His promises, knowing that even if my physical healing didn’t come right away, He was working to heal and strengthen my spirit.
The Gift of Healing and Renewed Purpose
By God’s grace, after eight years of illness and walking through the valley of suffering, I began to experience healing. It didn’t happen overnight—it was a slow and steady process of addressing the root causes of my illness, detoxifying my body, and rebuilding my strength. I sought out functional and holistic methods, supported by prayer and the wisdom of God's Word. As my body began to heal, I saw more clearly how God had used my illness to draw me closer to Him, to refine my character, and to give me a renewed purpose.
Today, I use my experience to help others on their own healing journeys. As a bioenergetic practitioner, I work with those suffering from chronic illness, guiding them to address the root causes of their conditions and support their body’s natural ability to heal. More importantly, I remind them that their suffering is not meaningless—that God is at work, even in their pain, shaping them into the image of Christ.
The Redemption of Suffering
My journey with Lyme disease and CIRS was the hardest season of my life, but it was also one of the most transformative. Suffering, while painful, can be a tool in God’s hands to bring about spiritual growth and renewal. It was in my deepest suffering that I found the most profound comfort in Christ. He is the Good Shepherd who walks with us through the darkest valleys, and in His perfect timing, He brings healing—whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
If you are in a season of suffering, I want to encourage you not to lose heart. God is at work, even when it feels like everything is falling apart. He is using your pain for a purpose that you may not yet understand. Trust that He is faithful to complete the work He has started in you (Philippians 1:6). My prayer is that just as He transformed my life through suffering, He will use your struggles to draw you closer to Him and ultimately lead you into a deeper experience of His grace and love.
I once thought my suffering would never end. But today, I stand as a testimony to God's power to heal and restore—not just physically, but spiritually. My journey was long and painful, but it brought me into a closer relationship with my Savior and a clearer understanding of His sovereign plan. Whether you’re battling chronic illness or walking through any other form of suffering, know that there is hope, because we serve a God who redeems all things for His glory.
Stefanie is a Holistic Health Practitioner specializing in Bioenergetics, a Functional Medicine Health Coach, & Holistic Nutritionist who specializes in whole body detoxification, chronic illness, fatigue, autoimmunity, digestive dysfunction, functional nutrition, chronic mystery symptoms, Lyme Disease & mold illness and more.
Stefanie takes a different approach to health and healing by addressing root cause issues rather than bandaid approaches to your health concerns. If you are tired of the conventional medicinal systems band apid approach Stefanie is available for one-on-one care to support you throughout your entire healing journey.
If you are interested in working with Stefanie reach out to learn more about how partnering with her can help you along your healing journey.
Want to learn more about her services and how she can help you? You can browse this website to learn more!
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